His family is getting worse by the day. It is driving me mad! Now his dad says that Lalito is his and that he is not leaving. I told my husband that if his dad tried to do anything that I will never let the kids talk to that man or his crazy mother either. It was a big mistake leaving him behind, but he’ll be home in two weeks. By then I should be working. Life is just so stressful right now that my head is spinning.
I talked to my husband last night and he asked me if I was going to put him in jail. Well, needless to say I was deeply offended. I would never do anything like that and was shocked that he thought that I was capable of it. It turns out that his mother and grandmother told him that if he came up here to be with me then the first time we fight I will call the police and have him locked up. Is that not insane??!!?? Then I told him that if this is going to work that he has to trust me and not let the things that his family says get to him. I do love my husband very much, even though things are rocky right now. We talked about homeschooling, which he is completely supportive of. He even says that while he is looking for work he will help. We have decide that the curriculum should be entwined with faith. I’m very excited. We also discussed where we want to live. See, the plan has been to move to New York City because all of his friends and what little family he has here is up there and he would be more comfortable. The homeschooling laws are very strict, though, and it would be very difficult for us to buy a home. Here in Oklahoma there are almost no laws about homeschooling, almost all of my family is here, and we have a shot at buying property and starting a business. All this makes me want to stay here. So, when I was talking to him last night, going on and on about the opportunities here and he told me that if I want for us to stay here we can. I’m very happy about that. Very happy. My family is right here and they love my kids so much. They will watch them whenever I ask, which is great for us so that we will have a little time alone, something we’ve never had. I am feeling a little better about our future.
I have so many decisions to make right now. I wonder if my husband will really change or if it’s just a trick to get me to forgive him. Also, I’ve been thinking that what he and his family have told me is true. I nobody will ever want to be with me, I’ll be by myself for the rest of my life. Is it worth it? I’m so used to being with him. Is that why I’m having second thoughts about us separating? I’m so confused right now. I’m alson really scared about what will happen to me and my kids. I just want whats best for everybody. Being an adult is too hard sometimes. Tonight the kids are with my cousin because they had some cheerleading thing and tomarrow they are having a car wash. It’s good that they get to be around people that love being around them. They are such great kids. That’s probably why I worry so much. I don’t want to mess them up. I just have to pray that God will forgive my errors and know that I have the best of intentions. I do love my babies. Heck, I even love my husband, but I’m not sure if love is enough. I just wish things were easier. Like they say though, ‘Once things have hit rock bottom, there’s no place to go but up.’
This is my very first time blogging ever. I think this is an awsome oppertunity for me to share my life with the world. To share my secrets and fears, worries, and joy. So, first, a little about me. I’m a 23 year old mother of 4. I’m currently separated and my ex is in Mexico with his crazy family and one of my babies. I should get him back on the 7th if everything goes okay. Just trying to keep things friendly so that he brings him up. Anyways, I love cooking, cleaning, raising my babies. I’m considering homeschooling my children so that I can intergrate my faith into their education. I’m currently trying to find a night job so that I can do just that and support my kids. I’m really looking forward to doing things on my own for once. I’m staying with my aunt, who is wonderful. We really get along great. My younger cousins are kinda crazy now, but they’re still young. My mom kinda stresses me, but I still love her, even if she’s a little controlling. Anyways, until tomarrow.
